In this post, I share simple tools to set healthy boundaries for chronic illness. Healthy boundaries for chronic illness mean setting and maintaining conditions that support your thriving. Healthy boundaries are the core of a loving relationship with yourself and others. And having healthy boundaries is especially important when you have a chronic illness.
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Who is Betsy Leighton?
I’m a writer, blogger, and healer dedicated to helping individuals reconnect with their innate peace and wholeness by healing nervous system dysregulation. My personal experience with chronic illness called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) shapes my work, and my content offers tools to empower those with chronic illness to improve their well-being and take charge of their health.
I created the Sacred Self-Healing Method and am a trained and certified Safe and Sound Protocol provider, an author, blogger, and A Course in Miracles Teacher. I hold a Master of Divinity in Spiritual Counseling and am a trained spiritual mentor, with certificates in sound healing, aromatherapy, nutrition, and Sacred Deathcare. I offer a self-study certificate program in the Sacred Self-Healing Method, provide spiritual counseling and coaching, courses, and supported subscriptions for the Safe and Sound Protocol.
What is MCAS?
Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) is a chronic condition that affects all organ systems. It can cause severe, disabling symptoms every day, including potentially fatal anaphylaxis. MCAS often occurs with other chronic conditions like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Managing MCAS is challenging because many healthcare providers are unaware of it, and diagnostic tests can be unreliable. Treatments include antihistamines and mast cell stabilizers, as well as avoiding triggers. Check out this post on managing MCAS.
The cost of not having healthy boundaries when you have a chronic illness
If your boundaries are impinged upon, crossed, or violated, you will experience a drain of energy. Examples of when your boundaries may be compromised are:
- Being asked to do more than you can manage;
- Being manipulated;
- Dealing with difficult people or situations.
Healthy boundaries are the core of a loving relationship with yourself and others. And having healthy boundaries is especially important when you have a chronic illness.
If you go through the world with your boundaries compromised, you run the risk of having your energy drained or fragmented, which sets you up for physical illness or injury. Here are some techniques for maintaining healthy boundaries:
Healthy Boundaries for Chronic Illness
Listen to your body
Those who work in caring professions often suffer physical ailments as a result of sharing their vital energy with others and constantly being “on”. This is similar to the state of vagus nerve overreaction (see my post on Vagus Nerve Health). Pay attention to the message that your body is sending you. If you have aches or pains, see a chiropractor, get a massage, try to get adequate sleep, get some form of exercise, eat nourishing foods, and drink plenty of water. (See my post on dealing with pain). This isn’t martyr time. You can’t even begin to heal your chronic illness if your energy is compromised or if you are ignoring your self-care. (See my post on Radical Self-Care.)
Satisfy your survival needs
This may seem silly to mention, but attending to your primary needs for food, water, shelter, and sleep is essential to healing a chronic illness. It’s not always possible to get a perfect night’s sleep or eat well. But you need to listen to your core survival needs to be in a place of energetic health and safety. If you are hungry, eat. If you need to lie down, do it while you can. If you need to go to the bathroom, do it.
Put your oxygen mask on first
If you are a parent, work with, or are the caregiver of someone needy, someone who has frequent meltdowns, is unpredictable, or regularly pushes you past your coping limits, on top of having your own chronic illness, practice helping yourself first when practical/possible before attending to their needs. (see my post on Caregiving).
Ask for help
Humans are social beings who need others to survive. If you are experiencing a difficult time in your life, it can be tempting to withdraw inward and cut off ties. But you can’t do it all, and likely some people would like to help you but don’t know how or what to offer.
Ask for help, even if it feels hard. If someone offers help, accept it gracefully. You might need to tweak their offer so it’s something you can really use. Don’t be afraid to make a counteroffer. And if you are feeling resentful because people who could be helping you aren’t, make a specific request. Spell it out in terms they understand and hold your ground.
The bucket theory
The bucket theory simplifies understanding symptom reactions with MCAS. Imagine your body as an empty bucket you don’t want to overflow. Reactions to various stimuli fill the histamine bucket at different rates, forming the total histamine level (how full your bucket is). More histamine means more symptoms. By managing triggers, reducing exposures, and taking medications and supplements, you can control your bucket’s level.
Know your typical symptom progression
Understanding your symptom progression during a flare is key to developing your rescue plan. This post discusses how to recognize symptom progression so you can be prepared to address them.
Get my free ebook, symptom log, and meal plan!
Want a tool to easily track your symptoms?
Intention
Sacred Self-Healing relies on intention and frequency. Intention directs frequency to bring about healing. The universal formula for healing is:
Intention + Frequency = Healing.
In this expression, “frequency” refers to the specific healing modality being applied. Setting an intention is particularly beneficial when utilizing self-healing methods such as frequency and forgiveness. This post covers more information on the power of intention.
Beneficial Frequency
Beneficial frequency refers to natural vibrations that synchronize biological and Earth systems, to support overall harmony. For instance, visible red and blue light from the sun are beneficial frequencies because they regulate circadian rhythms. Likewise, Earth’s Schumann resonance is a naturally occurring frequency that aligns internal and external rhythms for health. This post discusses beneficial frequency in more depth.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness, like love, is seen as a high-frequency energetic state connected to compassion and gratitude. In contrast, emotions such as resentment and anger are thought to have lower frequencies, constricting rather than elevating well-being. Forgiveness helps elevate energy, promote emotional healing, and support physiological balance. Science hasn’t measured the frequency of forgiveness, but studies show that forgiveness can improve heart and brain patterns and help the body work more smoothly. Forgiveness brings balance, healing, and peace—both emotionally and physically. This post delves deeper into forgiveness.
Five simple practices for healthy boundaries
Breathe
Long, slow breathing tells your body that you are safe and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system. This supports proper digestion, helps you relax, and lowers cortisol levels. Make a practice of taking long, slow breaths before eating, before bed, before rising in the morning, or while sitting at stoplights. In addition to the physiological benefits, you provide your brain and cells with more oxygen, which is better for creative problem-solving. (See this post on calming breath practices).
The rose
This energetic technique helps deal with a difficult person in your life. Imagine a long-stemmed rose between your body and someone from whom you would like to assert a boundary or protection. You can do this while you are physically present with this person, or you can imagine the rose is between you in your mind’s eye.
Focus on the rose; what color are the petals? Are the petals open, or is the bud closed tightly? Imagine that the imaginary rose is providing an energetic boundary that the person cannot breach. Any negativity the person emits is caught by the rose and delivered to the earth through its long stem. No matter which direction you move, the rose will always be between you and that person. For an intense situation, you can imagine multiple roses forming a “hedge” between you and that person.
Say “no”
If you are asked to do something that goes against your principles, compromises your available energy, or feels “wrong,” say NO. It can be hard for people who are care-givers to say NO. Your job is to effectively steward the available energy you have – some for others, some for you and your health – so that you can live sustainably. Without this balance, you will crash and burn out.
Go to your happy place
Sometimes it’s not possible to avoid negative events, people, or energies. Things happen beyond your control, so it is good to be prepared.
Practice meditating in your mind’s eye on being in a place that is safe, supportive, and loving. Feel how secure you are in this place. Feel how you can be yourself. See the surroundings in your special internal space (forest, beach, etc.) and experience it with all your senses. Go to this place daily in meditation if possible.
Then practice going to this place when you are at the dentist, waiting in line, or during moderately unpleasant situations. This will prepare you, as much as possible, for when you find yourself in really negative situations. If you build this skill, of imagining your happy place in your mind’s eye, it will be available to you no matter what.
This does not make the negative situation okay or negate that you are being compromised. But it gives you a tool for getting through the event intact so that you can process it later with a therapist or trusted advisor, using EFT, EMDR, or other therapeutic tools.
Move your sensing outward
If you feel vulnerable or overwhelmed, or if you are in a situation where a lot of sensory stimuli are coming at you at once, imagine pushing your sensing capacities outward to the edge of your energetic aura.
Imagine that you are listening, seeing, hearing, and sensing the world around you at a distance from your physical body as if your sense organs were attached to the outside of your aura. Say to yourself that you are pushing your sensing capacities outward, and the sensory stimulation you are experiencing is being taken up and processed at a distance from your body. In this way, you can define what enters your energetic field and choose to let in what you feel comfortable processing internally.
Check out these circadian health tools!
I’m an affiliate with Bon Charge, a company that makes tools for circadian health, and you can receive 15% off your order with my coupon code BETSYL.
Bon Charge offers tools such as yellow– and red-tone blue-blocking glasses, red light therapy devices, PEMF mats, infrared saunas, and EMF-blocking products.
Sign up for the SSP!
I’ve found the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) to be the most helpful bottom-up healing strategy if your nervous system has been overloaded with toxic exposures, including mold or non-native EMFs, chronic infections, concussions, stress, or trauma. The SSP is a passive listening therapy based on Polyvagal Theory that helps heal nervous system dysregulation. Many people with MCAS and other chronic conditions have nervous system dysregulation stemming from infections, toxic exposures, concussions, and trauma. The SSP is an easy-to-use app that lets you listen to specially filtered music for 30 minutes each day as part of a 5-hour cycle. Studies show the SSP has a profound effect on mental health and chronic conditions. Here’s a short podcast describing the Safe and Sound Protocol.
You can sign up for the SSP here!
Heal your mind!
While the SSP is a bottom-up, somatic therapy for healing the nervous system, the Sacred Self-Healing Method I offer is a top-down nervous system-healing modality that focuses on cognition, attention, perception, and emotion, using the mind’s higher functions. The SSP and the Sacred Self-Healing Method complement each other and together produce lasting results. Here’s a short podcast on my self-healing practice.
I provide one-on-one in-person and remote chronic illness and caregiver coaching, as well as Sacred Self-Healing Sessions based on the Sacred Self-Healing Method, a proven, novel co-creative healing modality detailed in my Books.
Order my books!
Here’s a short podcast highlighting my five books.
My latest book, Living In The Light: Healing with Forgiveness, Sound, and Light, is all about the tools that have been most helpful for me to heal: forgiveness, sound, through nervous system retraining using the Safe and Sound Protocol, and light, through entraining my circadian rhythm with the energy of the sun. Living In The Light is available here!
Rocks and Roots chronicles my solo backpacking journey on the Superior Hiking Trail and my efforts to overcome nervous system dysregulation, gut dysbiosis, and Mast Cell Activation Syndrome symptoms to complete the 328-mile hike successfully.
The Sacred Self-Healing Method ebook is available here and in most ebook retailers!
The Sacred Self-Healing Workbook is available for purchase here!
Betsy’s first book, Sacred Self-Healing: Finding Peace Through Forgiveness, is available here
Companion Recordings
The companion audio recordings of chants, guided meditations, and sound healing demonstrations that accompany the Sacred Self-Healing Method are available for free on my YouTube channel here
What do you think?
I’d love to have your reply below!
Disclaimer
The preceding material does not constitute medical advice. This information is for information purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, cure, or treatment.
